Friday, February 3, 2012

funk


I've always wanted this blog to be a positive thing.
But I also want to be real and honest. Know what I mean?

The fact is, I'm in sort of a funk.

:: Maybe it's the time of year; the cold gray slump between the holidays and spring's much anticipated arrival. Maybe I might have a titch of SAD.

:: Maybe it's PMS's fault. Take for instance my relationship with chocolate this week. Between the four chocolate topped peanut butter cookies gifted to me such a cute Valentiny goodie bag- which I snarfed down (so unvegan, I know) within one hour's time and without saving any for the kids, the batch of chocolate chia pudding that wouldn't leave me alone for two days straight, the couple of chocolate-almond- banana shakes, satisfying those cravings and adding to my happiness at bedtime-- I definitely see a pattern going on here that's kind of alarming.

:: Maybe it's because Keith's been gone so much.

:: Maybe it's the fact that I'm still trying to get used to all this solitude. This silence. This alone-ness. All day, everyday:  I read. I tidy. I cook. I eat. I surf the web. I watch movies.

Sigh.

I know that there are so many things I could do with all this time on my hands. Service I could do. Visits to people lonelier than I am. Long neglected projects I finally have time for. Interesting places to go by myself in the day.

But the thing is, there's no motivation. No desire. Not a whole lot of inspiration to get excited about. To blog about. To think about.

I guess I'm in a rut. A feeling I can't shake. And don't much like.

Ever been there?

But beside all my angst, there's still things to look forward to. Things to be grateful about:

1. That I didn't let out the swear word that was blasting in my mind this morning when the blenderful of pancake batter spilled all over the place, covering the countertop and floor.

2. That my kids love me. That Gary would rather live, or should I say, spend the evenings/night here than at his apartment. Which has been the case this entire week. I'm liking that. That Sam will randomly stroke my arm in the car, or come over and rub my shoulders. "Mom you're tense here." Or when Jane calls me on the phone because we're friends and she loves her mom and wants to share and knows I'll listen with my whole heart.

3. That this dog Lucy never leaves my side. As I walk across the room. Or go upstairs. I'm glad for the companionship she's providing me. Even if she's kind of a neurotic doggie.

4. That the Whole Food Kitchen Workshop I'm contributing to and participating in will get underway on Monday. (There's still time to register, friends!) Thankful for all the inspiration, community, and beauty that will be flowing my way. 

5. That Keith will be coming home tonight.

6. That my 30 something year old, never been married before brother Reuben is engaged to be married this June. So happy for his happiness.

7. That Valentine's Day is on the horizon. That should be nice. Holidays and celebration days are always something to look forward to.

8. That the sun is shining this morning, with skies clear and blue and that the weekend is finally upon us. 

9. That you guys are here. New friends and old. Thank you for the interest you show in my life.

xo

10 comments:

  1. Be blessed friend...sometimes these seasons come. Be gracious with yourself. Enjoy the weekend & reuniting with your hubby.

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  2. Emily - I know exactly what you are describing. I was there for two years. I love how you are turning it around - finding the good in everything. xoxo

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  3. There ups and downsI think, you'll be up in no time - you bound to be, yo
    ur living has lots of meaningful things to look for! xoxos! So happy for Ruben! yeaah for him! I love chocolate, I just don't appreciate where it takes residency ;)!

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  4. I do understand the funk. :) Oh, boy, do I understand it. It's followed me my whole life and everyday I work to forget about it. One reason (of many reasons) I love your blog is because you are inspire me with your positive thinking.

    Have you further considered holistic nutrition training? I have found that keeping really busy helps me.

    This too shall pass, Emily. xo

    PS - I eat chocolate every day.

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  5. I think February is kind of like that. It helps me to be gentle with myself and not expect too much of myself. I usually get motivated and busier again in the spring.

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  6. Oh, yes, I've been there too. Sometimes we do need to challenge ourselves to move out of it but there are also times we can ride it out...just be gentle to ourselves and take it easy. I guess only you know which it is.

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  7. I think it's seasonal. Have grace for yourself. Winter is hard.

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    1. HOn, that wasn't me prescribing your feelings as seasonal. But just meant to say a funk this time of year is very normal for a lot of us (smile). that's all. Totally not trying to dismiss your feelings (smile). I hate it when people do that to me with trite stuff.

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  8. I love how you can describe what all of us feel! I also love that you realize what it is...a funk and are making the best of it by seeing the good but also knowing it's not going to last forever! Have a wonderful Sunday with your family!

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  9. Hi There:) I'm a regular reader of your blog. I can completely relate to your 'funk'. It sounds perfectly normal to me:) After all, life seems to be a series of ups and downs, so the 'downs' eventually lead to the 'ups'. Thank you so much for your posts! Your pics and writings help to increase the appreciation I have for my days and are so inspiring! What may seem so regular to each of us sometimes can be so refreshing to others. Please be encouraged to continue on with your lovely posts. With thanks, Jeannette

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