Wednesday, February 6, 2013

different

 
 
I decide to go to the library. Just as well. Even though I took Isaac on Saturday.
 
 
The parking lot is full. Needing to park further away than I normally do. I don't mind. I like to walk.
 
 
Storytime. That's what it is. That time of day.
 
I put my bag on my shoulder and head to the building. Walking alongside moms and their preschoolers.
 
That used to be me.
 
Me holding a hand. Pushing a stroller.
 
I wait in the breezeway, patiently and with a smile, looking on at this young mother praising, instructing her little ones as they put their stuff in the bookdrop.
 
As I scan these shelves, little voices are heard singing rhymes. Familiar songs we used to sing.
 
And my heart aches. A real, tangible ache I can feel heavy in my chest.
 
Remembering.
 
I acknowledge this ache. Mindfully observe it like a parent would a child. With love, with tenderness.
 
Understanding.
 
I'm older. I've reached a different stage in my life. I lived those years. Lived them fully, joyfully, completely.
 
I'm at peace with that, I realize.
 
More and more finding ease, even enjoyment with who I am right now. With this quiet. With this solitude. All this time I now have for myself.
 
This me.
 
I sit down with a book of poetry. Love poems. I read and I read. I give some attention to anatomy class demands. I gaze out the window. I study the stained glass patterns.
 
The hours pass.
 
I look at my watch and realize it's time to go home.
 
 

4 comments:

  1. Hello Emily,
    I first discovered your blog about a year ago by way of Heather's Vegan Workshop. I have lately rediscovered your lovely blog and just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your thoughtful posts and beautiful photographs.
    This particular entry really hit a chord with me, I too have grown children and have happy memories of home school years spent learning and discovering things together. I too am learning new ways of being now that I have more time for myself. Maybe I'll even get back to my own long neglected blog as a result of your inspiring example!
    Happy winter to you!
    Claire

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    Replies
    1. Claire, Thank you so much for being here, and for leaving such kind, touching words. I've visited your blog and sense a kindred spirit in you.

      xo

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  2. I have felt this very same way! WOW, I love how you describe it...it is sad, but good...it's different! We need to embrace each time in our lives because each new chapter is a gift! Thanks for the reminder :)

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  3. The stained glass reminds me... At one time, proposed to a friend that we collaborate on a lamp - hand thrown pottery base, and a stained glass shade. Wouldn't that we awesome! Thanks for your pictures - most days I change my desktop background to one that you have taken. Thank you!

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