Sunday, February 17, 2013

not always roses and sunshine

a gentle reminder:

to my children 
who'll read this in future days, 
to my friends 
who understand and who've been there and who are there themselves, 
and especially,
to myself,
most of all,
on those quiet, empty afternoons
when i'm even more gray than i am right now,
where i'll look back, and remember,
for patterns, for meaning, for truth
of this life's journey 
i've been trying to navigate all these years.

this is what i want to express, what i need to express:

there are moments, 
even years
of mess. of difficulty. of struggle. of pain.

i've learned this.
and i've lived this.

where dogs pee on the welcome mat.
where crusty dishes stack. no end in sight.
where orange peel shreds sit forgotten in the dark of the juicer waste compartment. furry gray mold growing for days on end.
where the house falls, pulls, and breaks apart. literally, before my very own eyes.
where neglected plants droop and shrivel brown.
where strife, the inner and sometimes the outer, sits heavy, so heavy. in a soul. in a room.
where laundry, the dirty and even the clean, sits piled and piled. 
where kitchen sink windows crack, staying shattered. for years. 
where heart-seeds of hope and trust and expectation are watered with tears of lingering letdown and ugly cynicism and dark disappointment.
where questions go unanswered.
where days drag long and you feel like crap.
where you give your all and that's all you can do and your all isn't quite enough.

yes, it's true.
life isn't always roses and sunshine.

knowing, remembering:
that sharp, prickly thorns lie among the sweetest, softest, and loveliest of rose petal blooms.
that the grayest, gloomiest of clouds are seen even among days of brightest, welcome sunshine.

"for it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things."

warmth and cold.
health and sickness.
pleasure and pain.
light and darkness.
answers and questions.
abundance and lack.
beauty and ugly.
good and evil.
joy and sorrow.

it can't and never will be one without the other.

"...and all things shall work together for your good."
"...and this, too, shall pass."

so this is really all i wanted to say today.
and another little thing, too:

this journal of mine will continue to show the beauty and the wonder. (mostly the beauty and the wonder). capturing all the goodness-- the simple and the grand things of my life-- a tool and a means that brings so much joy and gratitude into my heart.  the real purpose of what i want this space to be. a peaceful, beautiful, inspiring spot in this world. but sometimes you and i may get glimpses of what's real. and i'm okay with that. hoping you can be okay with that, too.

i'm living it all.
we're living it all.
you know?

the beauty.
the struggle.

this glorious goodness that's always, always there, despite of, and even amidst all of life's strife.

it's what is,
my dear.


  1. There is good company in that boat, dear friend. I feel exactly the same things right now, more acutely than I ever have. Take a vacation and come over to my house and at least enjoy someone else's mess!

  2. This post made me cry. This post could have come out of me. This post is real life...and it's not always good. As a matter of fact, I think the good is just sprinkled in and around the real...the bad and the ugly. I appreciate this post...and will continue to visit your blog because I know that you are real...and that you are transparent...and that you are allowing God to use you to speak to others.

    I'm in a similar place...have been for weeks. But like you said, this too shall pass...God is good.

  3. I am ok with it...glad you can speak of it! Let the goodness and enoughness of God fill in when other things lack - I do! Love you!

  4. Emily can I tell you we all need posts like this from time to time. The blog world has a tendancy to paint it all so lovely, but you are right, there is always opposition. You are just keeping it real....thank you. I hope you are mending and feeling better.

  5. LOVE...thanks for being human ;) We can ALL relate!!!!!

  6. I needed to read this today. My kiddos are sick and I feel stretched thin. However, this too shall pass. Thank you for the reminder.

  7. Dear Emily...I feel there is more to this, I'm worried about you, wish I could be with you to lend a hand, gdm