Thursday, February 13, 2014
well hello there
Well, we're halfway into February and I've been away from this space for almost a month. Not very typical of me, I know. I so appreciate those of you who have checked in and wondered where I've been and why the long absence. (Thank you, Clair and Renee and Beverly for your concern and kindness! And no, Jan, I wasn't on a cruise! Oh, how I wish that was the case!)
I guess I've been in a sort of hibernation mode. Feeling the need for quiet, introspection, solitude, and soul-searching. With all this, as well as my own tendency to feel the effects of the winter doldrums, I just haven't felt a motivation, pull, or any sort of inspiration to write, share, or even take out my camera. In a way, I'm kind of forcing myself to blog today, as I feel a sort of pressure to keep this journal of mine going (for your sake and mine)-- which has always brought me so much joy and fulfillment-- but over the years, I've discovered and accepted there are ups and downs that come along with any creative endeavor. I can compassionately and gently give myself the permission and the space I need; the time also-- however long it takes-- to let my own rhythms follow the natural cycles of nature.
It's felt good.
It's what I needed.
And it also feels good to come back now.
The days have been full both in my home, family, and personal life. (We're all fine.) Full days, but with the right amount of quiet margin that I feel is necessary and crucial to my peace and well-being.
Weeks and days filled with children's activities. Trying to attend and support Sam with transporting him to and from his basketball practices and attending his games twice a week. (The last game of the season, tomorrow night.) Heart break for a season of loss after loss. Finally, a few Fridays ago after the twelfth loss in a row, driving back home alone with Sam in the car after an especially crushing loss, him to the breaking point with bitter tears of disappointment and frustration, me quietly listening, trying to console. Formulating and presenting a plan to host the whole team at our home the next night. A time for fun and lots teenage boy food and a time to forget the pressures of basketball.
Then there have been geography bees and spelling bees (and another disappointed boy). Art projects. Fundraisers. Dances. Doctor appointments. Late night homework marathons. Mother and son monkey cake making for the cub scout banquet. Our own family celebration of Chinese New Year, made especially fun with the wonderful package of goodies --noodles, cookies, crackers, candies, crispy dried octopus snacks, fermented quail eggs (!!!), etc.-- Jane thoughtfully sent home to us from Taiwan.
For myself, my days are just right. Seeing my clients. Afternoons curled up with my books. Delving into my friend Dennis's recently published volume of a poetry he so generously gifted and shared with me. (So nourishing to my soul.) Kitchen creating. Taking myself on outings to the bookstore or lunch. Welcoming what feels like a thaw and wishing with all my heart I could run or even go on a walk to experience being out there. But it's been no running, no yoga, no bearing unnecessary weight these days on my foot with this lingering, dull ache that has been progressively and persistently gotten worse over the span of four years. A combination of bone spurs and plantar fasciitis is a pain in more ways than one.
So that's about what it is for me. Welcoming the fun of Valentine's Day tomorrow. This day set aside to share love with my loves. Celebrate (likely postponed to the weekend) with an evening out on the town with Keith and strawberry crepes for Sunday dinner with the kids.
Hope your weekend is filled with love, hugs, surprises, and smiles. And as always, thank you so much for stopping by. For sharing my world.