Monday, August 11, 2014


enjoying:: this morning's 10 mile bike ride. my old "long run" route. go me.

feeling:: it's starting to hit me that sam is really leaving. these waves of emptiness and longing coming and going since yesterday. a real physical, aching pain in my chest. warm tears on the verge. with this being a yearly thing now with these kids (three years straight) you'd think it would get easier. it doesn't.

going:: to give isaac his promised massage. it's his birthday week.

eating:: last night's dinner was my breakfast. taco-style quinoa, black beans, tomato, onions and garlic over lettuce greens. fresh mango salsa and sliced avocado over top.

working:: so grateful that after not doing any client massages since march, i can still do this work. that i still have what it takes. that i still have it in me. i was afraid i'd be rusty after all this time. wondering if i would still enjoy and find fulfillment in my work as a massage therapist. friday's appointment calmed all my worries and insecurities. again, i realized that i love what i do. i love being able to make a real, tangible difference in other's lives. i missed, so much, the quiet, calm, and total focus that comes over me in a session.  giving a good massage, for me, is like performing a meditation; a beautiful dance, if you will. this aspect of the work provides me with an incredible sense of peace.

making:: the other night i sat down to the sewing machine. sam's pants to hem. "i love it when you sew, mom," isaac said. "it's just so cozy here when you do." and then with a smile on his face, he asked if i could make him a new pillowcase for his birthday. 

kitchen wise, i've been having fun experimenting in the gluten-free baking world. (oh, by the way, the tests came back negative for keith and the kids. a big sigh of relief.) this afternoon i made a plum crumble and some crackers. sunday, some really good chocolate chip cookies. everything, so far, has been really delicious.

i'll be spending a lot of time in the kitchen this week. another house full on sunday in honor of sam leaving next wednesday for mexico. 

the swallows of kabul. 
something more: excavating your authentic self

listening:: bob marley


  1. Had a brief chat with your darling husband, then came home to see your post. Wonderful! We need to catch up. Call me when things settle, when your Sam is safely on his journey. Love to you!

  2. Yeah on the negative test results! I knew you'd find enjoyment in discovering alternative recipes. Your good at that. Glad to hear you are back at your massage and picked up right where you left off. Another good bye coming up...dear mom. I know how hard it is for you. You write so beautifully about your mothering emotions. Hugs.