In less than twenty-four hours, my daughter Jane will be a bride.
My emotions are at the surface. I'm busy. Wedding planning has been the main focus of my summer. I never ended up planting a garden this year. Probably the first time in over twenty years. Lots of reasons why, but it honestly felt like a relief to let it go.
Yes, I've had a lot of things on my mind. Many, many details needing to be remembered, errands to run, tasks to cross of my to-do list, phone calls to make, all this added to daily life here at home.
It may appear that I'm kind of crazy-busy, but I really don't feel all that stressed. (I'm kind of amazed and suprised at myself.) Trying to do one thing at a time, taking one day at a time, maintaining a sense of balance. Although I've been feeling the effects of sleep deprivation-- some insomnia and waking between 3-5 am every morning; reminding myself to do this or that, wondering if I have enough food or too much, hoping if people will come to the reception, thoughts of what I need to do for our upcoming vacation... But despite the physical and emotional exhaustion, I have been really trying to implement some self-care practices that have really brought me calm, clarity, and a feeling of ease.
For the last six weeks, I've committed every day to writing three pages in a spiral bound notebook. Inspired by the book The Artist's Way, I have found this practice so grounding and meditative. A practical way to "brain dump" all of the thoughts, desires, gratitudes, and deepest feelings of my heart and mind. A process that has given me so much clarity about my life.
My meditation practice has deepened this summer. I'm devoted to it. I love that time of stillness. I need it. Most mornings, I run. Evening walks are special, too.
I just feel so good.
The wedding is almost here. The day we've dreamed of for so many years is becoming a reality. We joined (and met for the first time) Preston's family for dinner last Friday. Bridals were taken on Saturday (can't wait to share some of those with you here. Soon!) Jane took me on a tour of their new little student housing apartment a few weeks ago, and I cried.
My brother Andrew (a professional event planner) has been my right hand man. I don't think I could have done this without him. Jane, Andrew, and I did a big shopping trip yesterday (3 carts full!) Some church friends will gather tomorrow afternoon before the reception to cut fruit and then help serve in the kitchen at the reception venue. He's setting a lot of things up tomorrow, and will soon be here to help me make a huge batch of hummus and tomato bruschetta. My brother-in-law is coming tonight to help cut the cheeses, and I know, will add a much needed "comic relief" to the night-before-the-wedding vibe here.
I'm just feeling so grateful right now. Feeling so blessed and supported. Hoping everything will go seamlessly tomorrow. That I'll try to savor every moment. And most of all, that Jane and Preston will feel joy.
I just had to take this time to blog and express all these feelings. I don't want to forget.