Tuesday, August 30, 2011
losing things. missing things. locking doors.
It dawned on me yesterday, too, that I miss more than my keys. I miss the noise. The quiet of these last few days is surprisingly uncomfortable. And yet, it is something I've always craved and sought. Just give me some peace and quiet, you kids. Now, this silence is deafeningly loud. So loud I have to distract myself from it and the thinking and my own constant internal chatter. I see that I'll need to find ease in this new reality.
And then there's the biggest loss.
I'm missing God. I miss Him the most.
And when you've lost something you've cherished, something you can't live without, it hurts. Really bad. It's hard. It takes work to find the thing you've come to always rely on. The thing you've taken for granted. A lot of work and deep, deep searching.
I'll keep looking for my keys. I still haven't found them. I've surrendered. Maybe they'll turn up, maybe I'll never find them, and maybe I'll always keep looking.
Just like a lot of other things in my life.