Tuesday, November 29, 2011
finding my groove
Well, at least I hope I've found it.
Thinking about a few things in which I need to get on the bandwagon. Wondering where my motivation went. Waiting for it to come.
Two categories, really.
1. Fitness/Regimen. I've alluded to this here before. With the approach of winter's cold weather, my desire to get out and run or walk in the mornings has been challenged. Some days I just don't have it in me. Finding myself in "lazy rut" mode. It's been blah blah blah. I know it's pretty normal to have ups and downs. I guess I'm comparing myself to the motivation and drive I had last winter and the winters before that; the motivation that's always pretty much been there, ever since I first started running.
Well, I'm feeling a shift since Thanksgiving. I want to do more. I want to get out more. I want to get back to hill running ease. I love the sunlight and I know it does me good. Even in the cold, the sweaty invigorating feeling I have when I come back inside is something I love. So, my plan and my commitment (it helps me keep some sort of accountability writing it out here.) is to run--with some walking if I feel like it-- 5 days a week with one day being solely yoga and Sunday total rest day.
I've also been neglecting taking my vitamins and supplements, too. This is totally a no brainer as far as effort goes. Why have I let it slide? Get in gear, Emily!
2. I wonder why it takes me so long to get into Christmas mode. Holiday music bugs me before Thanksgiving. Kind of does now. (Please don't judge me. I really do love and adore the season and all it means.) "Can we turn on Christmas music, Mom?" Like they have to ask me. Making me feel pretty darn guilty. Pretty darn Grinchy. I know I should start thinking about getting the Christmas decorations up. I'm dragging my feet. The kids pressure, question me, and wonder why it takes me so long. Why do I feel like it's too early, still?
I think the answer lies in my (work in progress) perfectionism. In years past, I seemed to feel so overwhelmed with it all. I wanted to do everything right: create the perfect Christmas for my family, provide all the happy memories, special foods, thoughtful, homemade gifts, meaningful activities, perfectly decorated, cozy home. I felt like I'd get on a runaway train and couldn't get off, all of which resulted in unattainable expectations, stress, and exhaustion. The opposite of what I really seek which is peace and joy and love- the spirit of the Savior- the essence of the season. I guess I'm still holding onto the fear of that. Now, maybe with age and loosening up a little (a very good thing) I want to find the right balance on the scale between this perfect Christmas vision and apathy.
I was asked to decorate and do the place settings for a table of eight for this Thursday's (church) Relief Society Christmas dinner party and program. I went to my favorite paper goods store (Xpedx for you locals.) Picked up all the necessary supplies I'd need for the season: paper table wear for the parties and dinners, wrapping papers, ribbons, darling gingerbread house gift boxes for baked goods, cellophane bags, etc. Wanting to support a few local businesses, I also purchased a few gifts for the children. Today's shopping excursion has put me more in the mood. Yay!
Hoping to get there soon.
I've decided to join my blogging friend Denise throughout the month of December as we chronicle 25 Days of Joy. I loved this simple way of capturing and focusing on each day's "happy". I know this project really will get me in the mood. I hope my sharing will help you feel a little more joy, too.
Come along for the ride, won't you?