In past years, I'd be in frenzy mode these last few weeks before Christmas. I'm amazed at how calm I feel, that I don't feel the perfectionism pressures. Don't feel like I'm on a runaway train and can't get off. Just enjoying what each day brings.
Things will get done (the most important things) or they won't.
No homemade gifts, and I'm (kind of) okay with that. No Christmas cards to send out. Although, I do think I'll send out a Happy New Year greeting, as we've been waiting to get the news of where Gary will serve his mission and wish to share that with our loved ones. (We think he'll get his official "call" letter in the mailbox next Wednesday.) We still have quite a few gifts yet to purchase. Like the majority of them. All of that, as well as the wrapping, the baking, the teacher and neighbor gifting and the packages to send to faraway relatives- it will all get done sooner or later.
This way of experiencing Christmas feels good to me for a change. Don't think I've ever been so relaxed about it as long as I've been a mother.
Even through taking multiple children to the doctor's office about 5 times in the last couple months, including a couple of Gary's own doctor visits and hospital blood work done as part of his missionary service paperwork to complete, Eliza's multiple blood and urine labs, her ultrasound, and E. R. visit, the 3 x-rays of Sam's broken finger (including the one tonight, as he thought he re-broke it at Monday's basketball game; first time joining the team. Good news after all that he only injured it.)
I should be stressed, but I'm not.
Specifically, this morning's run was a joy bringer. Let go of the pressure of being out in those frigid temperatures. No ice on this morning's windshield, so that was a good sign. The a-okay. Fresh legs, fresh mindset. No chore today. Just for the love of it. The heart pumping, beating fast. Blood flowing. Even if I am going a little slower these days. Puffy, rhythmic breath clouds suspended in the air. Exhilaration.
And oh, what a delicious thing it was to take off those wet clothes and immerse my body in a tub of hot water.
To feel the freedom, to decide that it was okay to lie down on the bed for an hour this afternoon before picking the kids up from school to enjoy a little Doris Day and Rock Hudson. Even if it meant falling asleep fifteen minutes into it.
I guess that's to be expected when you arise at 4 a.m. rested and eager for a new day to begin.